Cirrus@Austlit

'Not many people like me. I have no friends. And I would like to know why. People begin friendly enough, at least not unfriendly, and nobody is rude to me, yet none have taken the next step, which is taking an interest in what I have to say, how I manage to live. I don't know what I have said or not said, or what it is about my manner that has put them off. It doesn't take long before I see there is little of hope of them becoming my friend, or friendly towards me, let alone getting to see them again, already they are casting around at other people for possible friendship. People don't seek me out. They don't need me. People quickly lose interest in me. I don't find other people especially interesting either, I can't off-hand think of one I'd like to see again, but at least I stay in the one spot and keep talking - I make an effort. I have things to say about many different topics! There is plenty to notice in a face, including mine. I'd say that's something most people haven't picked up, don't bother about, although it's an area I've been concentrating on for years. If I'm talking to somebody I make a point of paying attention, and yet I notice they don't look at me. People are concerned with themselves, nothing much more. For some time now I have made a practice of looking closely at the face of whoever I am talking to. I am put off by those men and women who have the deep vertical lines running down from the eyes, giving them a permanently worn disappointed look, in men mostly, as if they've thrown in the towel. I don't just scan a face, I have been known to stare too much. Often I finish their sentences for them. On first meeting when the slate is clean I notice their politeness. This is how we are all supposed to be. It doesn't take long for their attention to shift and they move away. And then I never hear from them again...' (Publication abstract)