Cirrus@Austlit

'Welcome to the Old Kingdom!

'It's a wonderful time to visit! There's lots to do and plenty to see!

'Participate* in a public execution!
Wave a pathetic little sword at the Queen's Champion! (With luck**, become the new queen's champion!)
Practice real magic***, in public!
Make fun of the Halfling**** and experience excruciating pain!

'What are you waiting for? Dive into the Old Kingdom right now! *****

'Clunk, an elderly robot, just did exactly that. He plunges into the sea off the coast of the Old Kingdom, and if he knew what was coming next he'd have sat down on the ocean floor and waited for rescue.

'Dragged from the ocean, coughing up seaweed, salty water and stray pieces of jellyfish, he's taken to the nearby city of Chatter's Reach, where he's given a sword and told to fight the Queen's Champion, Sur Loyne.

'As if that wasn't bad enough, the Old Kingdom still thinks the wheel is a pretty nifty idea, and his chances of finding spare parts - or his missing memory modules - are nil.

'Still, Clunk is an optimist, and it's not long before he's embarking on a quest to find his way home.

'It's going to be a really tough ask, given the lack of charging points ...

'* Note: you won't be the one swinging the axe.
** You'll need it.
*** Abracadon't. Seriously.
**** His name is Runt, and he's just tall enough to reach your groin. With his knife.
***** Try not to land on a giant sea serpent. Tourists give them indigestion.'

Source: Publisher's blurb.

'Events are unfolding at a breakneck pace in the Old Kingdom!

'Laugh as your favourite characters spit in the face of danger ... then run for the hills.

'Admire the verbal jousting and witty wordplay ... or is it the other way round?

'Gasp as kings and queens lose their heads.

''Enjoy' the groanworthy puns and suffer the slings and arrows of poorly-trained archers.

'But wait, there's more ...

'Prepare to be amazed as you learn exactly what Clunk's building in his makeshift workshop!'

Source: Publisher's blurb.

'Ahh, the Old Kingdom.

'Come and admire our angry dragons close up. Take a dip with mighty sea serpents in our warm seas. Play catch-the-arrow with merry elven warriors. Drink beer* with the dwarves.

'For an unforgettable experience, the Old Kingdom is the ideal destination for your next holiday**

'Survival is optional, and highly unlikely.

'*Similarity to actual beer not guaranteed.

'**Travel insurance not available.

'***This is what three asterisks look like when you put them in a row.

Source: Publisher's blurb.