Malcolm Manning is an unaccomplished youth living in North London in the 1960s, with vague ambitions for a more urbane life. He emigrates to Melbourne expecting to make friends with the Prime Minister’s daughter, but because of his shyness doesn’t meet anyone. His attempts to pick up girls at dances fail, as do his attempts to play tennis at his local church. He takes horse-riding lessons in the hope of posing as an Australian stockman, and then decides to return home at the end of his obligatory two years. On the ship back to Southampton he is careful to not speak to the wrong people, and remains isolated, without an opportunity to wear his dinner jacket.
The big welcome home from family and friends doesn’t occur, and he finds Crouch End as drab as before.
The novel opens with Malcolm waiting for an old friend in a pub after his return, anxious to describe all his amazing adventures. The friend doesn’t turn up. It rains throughout the final chapters, but 'as every Englishman knows, the further south you go the warmer it gets.'
Synopsis provided by the author.
