A comic sketch involving General Nosecap, Lieutenant Hartburn, Private Flapper of the Y.W.S.S.W.M.P (Young Women's Society for the Suppression of Wowsers and Military Police), Colonel Krayfissh (a German spy), and an orderly.
The storyline begins with the general lamenting his failure to capture 100,00 prisoners and 200 guns: he succeeded only in capturing a broken-down field cooker, eight tins of German sausage, two mules, and a sergeant major, and advancing three yards on a front of eighty-one feet. The lieutenant then shoots down a carrier pigeon with a message warning the Germans that the Allies intend attacking at 4 am. Private Flapper enters and warns the general that, while in London, she saw Colonel Krayfissh signalling Zeppelins with a cigarette, and later spotted him on the East Coast floating on his back and semaphoring to the U-Boats with his feet. A false message is sent back, saying that the attack is to be delayed a hour (a second pigeon is later shot).
In the meantime, a romantic interlude occurs between Lieutenant Hartburn and Private Flapper, who is really Lady Hermentrude Joyed Llorge. She informs the lieutenant, however, that she cannot think of love until the spy is brought to justice. When Krayfissh learns he has been fooled, he swallows a Mills hand grenade. The two lovers embrace, and plan a celebration with minced pigeon pie.
